Emerging from a Hermit Era

For those who have been supporting me the past few years as friends, clients, and colleagues you’ll know that I’ve been on a bit of a hiatus from most online spaces for the past year. I’ve minimized my business down to long-term/referral clients, the Curiosity Club Patreon, my daily emailing list, and obligations in my local community. I initially intended to take some time when switching from Seekers Evolving to The Energy Weaver Academy to regroup and spend time writing (books & courses), but the ‘regroup’ portion ended up requiring me to go a lot deeper and sit in stasis a lot longer than I expected.

To put it frankly, I’ve been burnt out and overwhelmed, which put me in a position for deep re-evaluation. In early 2023 I channeled that a cycle was coming which would be a time of traversing life’s journey in solitude, and at the time I hadn’t taken it seriously enough - I didn’t realize how literal it would be. Despite having just gone through two-plus years of intense purging, activation, and initiation I was resistant and resentful about that call for solitude and rest. As with many things, it required hindsight for me to have the clarity needed to understand why a perceivable stand-still would be required only months after re-branding a website and setting intentions for growth in my business.

Reflecting

I’ve been practicing witchcraft and embodied spirituality to varying degrees for around 12 years now, but I had that experience dialed to overdrive between the fall of 2019 and the summer of 2022. This is when I went from a casual eclectic witch with glitchy mediumship skills and a career in integrative mental health, to someone who was being inundated with activations for channeling, astral travel, light body, energy weaving, and galactic communication. None of which I truly sought out; I instead found myself in a vortex of continuous collisions with divine synchronicity that I couldn’t escape and which made me feel the most grounded and simultaneously untethered that I’d ever been.

But, not long after supporting with a collective shift called 'The Breaking' during the spring and early summer of 2022, it’s like all of the adrenaline that had built up from those 3 years began ebbing away and all I had the energy left for was to sit and reevaluate who I was on the other side of it. There was also the ocean of panic and fear in my lungs that I needed time to transmute and reorient. Because I was left with three years’ worth of irrefutable and incomprehensible information with implications that will still send me into a panic attack to this day if I spend too much time dwelling on them.

Those of you who were clients or colleagues during that peak time know my main modality of energy healing is Energy Weaving, a modality that is arguably untapped on Earth, which has some comparisons to other modalities like Reiki or Eden Energy Medicine but is truly a modality all its own. It's the modality of the Architects, Surgeons, and Colliders; a modality predicated on a specific theory of perception and active conscious energy manipulation. I was guided by my spirit mentors to learn channeling techniques, ‘akashic records’ access, and the beginnings of astral travel before even going through the initiation trials to be approved to re-awakened to energy weaving and begin practitioner work. 

In those early days of learning and working with the modality, I summarized Energy Weaving as ‘becoming’, because I become the energy I’m wielding and transforming in a session - may it be a session on myself, a client, our planet, or another larger collective structure. It’s extremely visceral, and relies heavily on clairsentience, claircognizance, and clairvoyance development. Once I was officially activated and integrated to my energy weaving modality I was taken through a deep immersion crash course of grid weaving, soul surgery, astral council attendance, and so much more. In the astrals, through a multi-locating lens of dozens and dozens of dimensional layers, I could understand everything I was experiencing and weaving with crystalline clarity and complexity, only to be dropped back into my body barely able to scrap together a paragraph for a library's worth of information.

This was happening day in and day out, on top of posting on social media accounts, managing client appointments and back-end website obligations, as well as taking care of my human body, home, partner, and fur children. I began having dreams at night where I’d lay down at night to sleep and wake up in the middle of another lifetime in which I would live minute-to-minute for months or years before blinking awake to an alarm clock back in my bed on earth.

It was too much. Too much to experience in such a short time frame and still feel like a part of humanity.

But I also regret none of it. I know deep in the surest parts of my body how real and necessary it all was, how much more me I feel than I ever did before that period, but some things truly push the boundaries of what a human embodiment is capable of shouldering. Fuck, the amount of information that is probably permanently lost because I was too overwhelmed by the complexity and context to properly document it.

So, I’ve spent the past year-plus essentially trying to get my shit together in the aftershocks of those few years. It’s been like a never-ending integration period gradually processing the implications and connections between everything. I’ll be honest, a long portion of that was spent disconnecting as much as possible from everything, trying to remember what being mundanely human was like, and debating if my vision for the Energy Weaver Academy was something I even wanted to go back to at all - if I’d lost faith in it completely in my resentment for the knowledge and experiences I’d been inundated with without truly understanding what I was committing to.

Re-Centering

And yet, I kept going back to my altar, kept returning to my core practices, and kept tapping into the energy currents around me as easily as breathing. Even when I was giving my spirit team the cold shoulder, I couldn’t shake the knowing that they were right in my periphery waiting anyway. Because no matter how mundane the experience or determined I was in my avoidance, the awakening of my capacity for Energy Weaving continued settling deeper and deeper into my essence. As if those three years were just the lighting of the spark, and now the flame is taking root through every vein, bone, and cell until it becomes inextinguishable and indistinguishable from the rest of my soul.

It’s not something I can just switch off fully or walk away from.

Coming to terms with becoming an entirely expanded version of myself in the span of a few years has only been one of the many stepping stones, along with coming to terms with being able to feel the textures of different dimensions or having mundanely useless knowledge about how they interact with each other on a mechanistic level.

A moment in my day:

11:40 a.m.

I sit on my bed glancing down at my sleeping cat, I blink, a tremble moves through my energy body and I’m aware of someone in Taiwan reaching down to pluck a flower to hand someone as a blush flushes their cheeks, a sequence of timeline collapses shutter through, dozens of planets converging back into one, I blink, my cat stretches, the earth soul mechanisms groan and shift in response, I blink, a muscle in my spine spasms and echoes in resulting ache.

11:41 a.m.

It makes no sense as to why a relatively unknown low-income gender-fluid person, with a relatively average education, living in a trailer in the valley of the Appalachian mountains would have any need to know how to recalibrate an earth-grid weave or map universe quadrants, and yet I understand it like you remember the street you grew up on or the order of the alphabet.

It’s arguably some of the most valuable and rare information on earth right now and yet simultaneously completely inconsequential. Assuming you even believe any of it has any validity at all.

What does being able to understand how a soul body is created and developed over a sequence of incarnations even matter in a collective community where genocides are brushed under the rug, prejudice corrupts power everywhere you turn, and debt is a plague lurking over everyone in sight? I can’t single-handedly re-write any of that. In fact, the majority of my expertise isn’t even earth-based at all.

So, it leads to the question that I've been asking myself for the last year, what’s the point? I can’t tell you the winning lottery numbers, channel the perfect formula for de-polluting the oceans, or tell you your deceased grandmother’s secret meatloaf recipe. There are too many galaxies of oceans of information to filter through for that grain of sand.

It also begs the more underlying question, do I want anyone to actually believe me? From implications of the conspiracy nature to those simply threatening my ego, I’ve been continuously weighing the safety and danger of if I were to simply be forgotten, to share myself and be perceived as a fool, or to share myself and actually be taken seriously. Because I either commit to truly putting in the effort to translate everything in my head into something that is comprehensible and worth learning, or just go back to my old ‘mundane’ job and pretend this was all just an elaborate daydream.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, and if you’ve been reading you already know the answer; it’s not something I can pretend away, because it’s settled so deep into my breath and bones and very being that I am incapable of navigating the world without it any more than I can navigate it without my heart beating. It doesn't feel like something I can bottle up long-term without feeling like I'm drowning. Which of course is very dramatic, but no less true; and if I'm going to practice sharing myself authentically again, then I have to be willing to embrace just how essential this all is to the way I perceive and experience the world. It’s why I originally re-branded from Seekers Evolving to the Energy Weaver Academy after all.

Re-Emerging

Because the final trial of this hermit-era integration period, the one I'd been resisting and sabotaging myself against for months, was willingly choosing this part of me moving forward and completing a recommitment ceremony during the March new moon. Sharing this with you all, originally on my patreon and now here on my website, is a part of that process, as a way to be transparent with my community about where my head has been lately and also as a way to start the process of coming out of the hermit cave.

My goal for the Energy Weaver Academy is what it has always been - for it to be a safe space to explore yourself and to challenge a more complex and unified way of seeing the world. But what has changed as I re-emerge is that I personally feel safer to be vulnerable through this space and have found a deeper balance between being humanly embodied and cosmically open. It was unfair to ask my community to be connected and vulnerable in the portal of The Energy Weaver Academy when I was having anxiety attacks just trying to post about it on social media. I’m looking forward to re-discovering how to have fun with this work again, and how to marry complex information with a playful and human exploration of it.

I hope you all will be patient with me as I experiment with how to move forward from here, but that as a part of my community, you will also help hold me accountable to keep going.